I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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