shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
