Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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