my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
