Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
