hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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