Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
