okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
