My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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