i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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