u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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