I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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