Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
