i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize