My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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