Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize