Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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