His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
