You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
