that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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