is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i think i just lost a toe
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
