Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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