and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
