Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize