Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
