Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
