I want to walk on stilts...naked
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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