So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
