White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
