First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
