I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
