So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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