I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize