Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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