what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
