Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
As shirtless as possible
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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