Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
