btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
