New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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