You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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