I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
