either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
