He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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