so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
