Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
