It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
