I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
