I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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