We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
