I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize