I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
