So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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