every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
