It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Randomize
