just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
