haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
