i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
