Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
