His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sorry about my life...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
