The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And then he peed in my hair
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