I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
