I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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