Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You dont lie about slip and slides
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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