do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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