Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
