My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
