Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
