he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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