so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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