Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
