Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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