Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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